“Things are sweeter when they’re lost. I know–because once I wanted something and got it. It was the only thing I ever wanted badly and when I got it it turned to dust in my hand.”
~The Beautiful & The Damned; F. Scott Fitzgerald
I’m sure we’ve all lost something we wanted so badly, to our own painful downfall. Whether it was a lover or a friendship, it hurts as deeply as you loved it. Sometimes I think I’ll never get over these things, times in my life. It’s what drives much of my work, gives it meaning. Without a muse, I’d be a photographer… not an artist.
I don’t regret these things. They give me life and memories of times where I wouldn’t sleep, because I was living in the moment… listening to you breathe… looking at your hands. You were a stranger to me, but I felt most comfortable in your arms and swimming in your thoughts.
Working with my father’s 1936 Oldsmobile has been good for the old soul in me. I’ve been reading and watching some of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s more notable works. Set during the 1920’s and 30’s… I feel like I’ve lived in those times before. Getting lost in fictional drama, other people’s drama, it’s been soothing. Reminding me that I once felt passionate about another tragic soul. And just maybe, I might do it again.
Working on something with a little more plasticity than usual. My new approach to Duality is more real, raw and natural. It represents where I am in this photographic journey. Taking my art to new heights and learning what it really means to be transparent.
For the past few months I’ve been migrating back to my film cameras. Continuing my projects and changing up the way I see things. I’m not in a hurry, I’m not trying to get anywhere. I am just exploring my options and laying down tracks in the direction life takes. Working from the inside out, seeing through windows and using the available light to make memories worth remembering.
I finally got some of the film developed from my first test with my bulldog Winston. I really love the feel of film. The aesthetic could be compared to listening to a record. The nostalgic qualities of the clicks and pops, the warmth of the sound. Same with film, and when you get to shoot with medium format, the desire for digital fades like a mediocre dream. There is so much depth to this, like I’ve gone beyond the two dimensional surface and into little Winston’s soul.
These are straight out of the camera, no time to even process them any further than chemistry. I love it when things work out right, the first time around.